Sunday, September 25, 2005

I DONT WANT NEXT YR TO COME! I DONT WANT BHAIYA TO GO AWAY AND I DONT WANT TO FACE THE PRESSURE OF OLEVELS!!! IM SCARED

posted by boxedin @ 1:07 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

anyway, so bhaiya left. nt for usa but brunei. and im already so sad, even though he'll be back in time for my bday tho i wont celebrate. but im really sad. i wish he didnt have to go. or maybe im sad thinking of what theyll hv to do. but he doesnt want any pity. yup. so no pity. im fine. but u know, next yr ill like crumble. cos at the time when i need someone to be there the most[for emotional support. yes, i am very emotional i realised. thanks to soya bean] no one wld be there. cos bhaiya wld be in usa and di in BD. os are in mid-nov, and she def/most prob wont be here then. but i hv to learn to be "Strong" and not always dependant on someone. but i hate it when my frens ask if i wanna go overseas and study and i say 'yeah. but my parents hv to come along'. they laugh their donkeys off. i dont get whats so funny. im nt close to my parents, but i also wont know how to do anything if theyre nt there. shish. i feel like a little kid[hopefully didiii doesnt comment on this] and since i feel like a little kid, and i dont like feeling like one, ill change the topic.

i realised i nvr wrote abt obs. but tts olld story. n i nvr wrote abt national day either. but these kinda stuff, dont need any writings whatsoever. theyre just memories. really. like obs. i hated it when iwas there[except the last day] but then when i came back, i missed/miss it. i wish i cld go again. i wldve signed up for the sabah one if at tt time my parents had already told me tt i cant go BD this yr. but thn again, the sabah pple will prob think im unfit n nt allow me to join. my stamina increased!!! and im so glad. ran 4 rounds arnd the canal. not stopping for even 5 mins in total. yayy. and then next period we had pe. n the woman told us one round arnd the school compound[which included 2 uphill slopes n one downhill] so i was like okay.np. n when we finished the first round, she said most of us are jogging slowly. so she said go another time. we did. but she wanted one more last round. completed before many of the other people. considering how phat i am and tt i just ran arnd the canal before tt, i thought i was pretty gd.


what else? well. my birthdays in 18days, exams in 13. shishhhh. so damntensed. after writing this entry, im sitting on the bed and studying. i need to. i think im so dumb. i am. bhaiya had told me nt to become like him somewhere, but really. i "idolise" him. hes gd in every single thing n EVERYONE likes him. and i mean everyone. almost everything he does is perfect. so y cant i become like him/? one thing i dont get: why am i so diff from him? i like dont belong to my family. theyre all diff. no. i am. i just dont fit in. none of my character traits are like any member of my family.am i just a hopeless case?

ohhh! my fake is here in SG now. actually, i think i qt like her. nt cos they say i look like her, but cos she really acts well[mostly as a witch with a b], she's got a nice low voice and she's qt pretty too.

im very mean. i wish i cld stop myself from saying mean stuff. like, sometimes saying all those stuff to ayesha during mt is not nice, but then it just spurts out[no it doesnt literally spurt out. but u get the pt] i shld learn to control my tongue/mouth.pun intended. wowww. its late. shld i go off now and like do some work? what im gonna do now :
1) complete tt emath past yr ppr
2) read up tt phys chp 14 i think
3) chem-chp 12. the one on metals

shld be these few only. im so scaredd. i used to be gd in chem n had confidence. after doing so badly in the last commn test, i hate chem n lost confidence. pretty soon ill hate all subjects. oof. i complain so much. i shld stop complaining and whining and get my donkey outta this chair and onto the bed to study. haha. ill get my donkey only. nt my body. dont mind me, im just a little off. cos the coffee bottles right beside me, and im nt drinking it. acca thik hai. byee. tutu[the msn emoticon] nite pple who read this

posted by boxedin @ 2:55 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

haha. havent been here for a really long time. anyways, i kinda like cut the area under my eye a bit. not purposely. the ball hit my specs, which hit me under my eye. quite painful. its like still very painful. burning sensation. somethings wrong with my dear dear brother. read his blog. he seems so sad and depressed. and like, for one month, we were like really really close and he like told me almost everything, and it was so nice and all. but something happened and he's a little changed. more reserved and silent. he's always looking so sad. i wish i cld help. i know he wont tell me cos i cant do anything anyway. but still. hmm. and just now i was comign up the staircase, and we met. he didnt even acknowledge me! hmph! i need to bathe. its getting late. but my eye hurts so much. one eye, my left one, is closed cos its hurting. and i cut my hair! nothing else. exams coming up in 4 weeks. really realy scared. acca. ei bar shai! tutu[the msn emoticon]

posted by boxedin @ 6:32 PM 0 comments